I hope not to bore you; my first newsletter.

My newsletter will be my “safe place” and this idea is “a safe act” I knew it's for me. I don't mean to bore you or beg for pity. I just want to rant and I hope you get every message I pass across. I will be writing about cats, human, school, friends & acquaintances and photography. I will be teaching things I find worthy that comes to me and sharing informations, if possible. Learn, unlearn, read and enjoy. Basically, this covers every part of a life.

I write poems but they are not written like a standard poem that will be published on a magazine soon, I am struggling with that but it's better than a poem anyone will pick a pen to write and at the same time, I will be extremely happy if i get a chance to be published. Before deciding to start a newsletter, that was my “safe act” It helped sometimes. I cry and felt angry most times when I am writing. The cry makes me feel better.

I am more likely to write about my emotions because it's the first reason I started to write. I don't want to be depressed. I have had slight suicidal thoughts sometime before now and I don't want to get worse.

I feel like a failure most times or rather, I am regarded as a “failure” and expected to still do well. I was never enough neither do I do things rightly because I believe in what I am referred as.

In short, I am the bad egg and my siblings follow my path so I better do no wrong and I need to be perfect. 🤦‍♀️

I try my best but my efforts are undermined and I am judged with these undermined efforts constantly making me feel like I am “unwanted”. Realistically, I am unwanted but there's no choice. It chokes. 😑

My cats makes me happy, though. Touching their furs and smelling them makes me smile atm and I am distracted. When then they lick my body in response to my touch makes me feel loved. They love me, they aren't judgemental and they don't see me as a failure or liability unlike human. I feel safe and at peace with them.

This to many people is unlike me because I don’t show off this part. I cry and hope to not wake up from screams and sentiments. I deleted my active social media apps because I feel pressured from it. It has been a month now. My Whatsapp is crowdy, too much pressure and I feel like most peopld i interact with on the app don’t care about me at all. It’s like I am just there and not noticed. Snapchat and Instagram is somehow, too. I need to get off for at least, three months and if I don’t feel like going back, I am never going back. Many a time people fancy or acknowledge those that have it all or the best. I feel terrible when no one come for and it isn't as happy as it seems because I am not a superhero. But, I am doing better. Better than yesterday. Effort counts.

I really hope life is treating you well, and i want want to hear all about it, do well to reply this newsletter, I wish to become more open and discuss the topics you truly want to talk about even if it feels it's too much (too personal. too revealing) only with your consent. And I hope to help people in ways I can.

Please, speak up about your troubles and seek help in any way you can. I will be glad to help. I truly want to help people. That's one of my secret abilities. It makes me happy within me.

POV: with all these troubles, I still give really good advice.

I'm hoping that next week will be better and more lively.

Quick question, what should I call you people? 🙈

Newsletters will be dropping weekly on Sundays.

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Welcome, xoxo. 😍

Yours Faithfully, Rumaysah(Rumi)

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