Death feels like DEATH.

I changed the title of this post from “For the wages of sin is DEATH…” to this because I feel like the initial title seem somekow after thinking deeper. I had a different blog to post before the death that made me write this, and I guess this is a new coping mechanism for me. The title is not to mock but I just couldn't think of any other one. Well…also, a little pun intended, you don't need to be so uptight.

At the news of death I have heard, I have always cried, especially for those who are really close to me. I remember crying really hard when I heard the news of the girl who gave me the cup I use in school till today on her convocation. I was crying and pitying her parents who'd sent her to school for years and only for her to die few months after convocation and I also pitied her who would have had big dreams of life after school which she is now in the grave.

The bottom line story is: I JUST LOST A FRIEND!

I don't know how I feel. I am laughing because I don't know because I really hope to see him again. He is someone I play BB with. The last time we met, I was teaching him how to bounce. He is a really good shooter, a 3 pointer. He flies, he doesn't jump, and he earns the name "fly boy." LOL.

I have names for most people I meet. It's a custom. Sometimes, it's not even intentional. The names just come depending on the situation, and it has been like that. Now I have passer it down to my sister. She has code names for the gists she gives me leaving my father in the dark anytime he tries to eavesdrop. He ends up asking what the meaning is. 😅

I have been hearing whispers of death but never guessed it will be a familiar person talkless of a close contact, but here we are, it has happened, again.

In one of those whispers, I heard someone say" it's every year people die in this school like we are cursed" as much as their is a ocean of truth in her words, it also says so much about how selfish we are with people. Many people die every day, but we don't care because we don't know tthem.If judging by the rate of death in Gaza, we should be basking in tears every minute. #pray for our brothers and sisters in Gaza.

Another person asked to see the picture of my dead friend and when she saw it, she was glad it wasn't someone she knows and I laughed saying "but it's someone I know" and we all just laughed it off but it's the truth.

What truth? That you are glad that it's not someone you know and I just laughed. Nothing is really funny but yeah, we move regardless.

As much as I would like to live long, some of my friends find it offensive when we plan something, and I say that I don't know if I will live till then. It's not even about being pessimistic. It's self-awareness about reality.

Sometimes, death looks scary, sometimes, I feel like I am adapted to it but all in all, I have never experiences and a close one I have ever experienced is blacking out after donating blood one time because I didn't have breakfast and I was rushed in. I didn't feel scared that I could die at that moment, not because I am holy, but because I felt like I wanted to have a taste of it. I know I shouldn't feel eager, and it's coming sooner or later. I just said what I felt like.

Life is whatever and all shit but he really doesn't deserve to die like that. I like him so much, and he's among those guys I talk to at court, and I really hold him of high esteem due to the discrimination they make at the court.

God really knows best. I pray he finds peace. Please, pray for him. His name is Fawas. Put him in your prayers, too. He was my friend before he died. Death is a cruel reality that we all must face, but it doesn't make it any easier to accept. Losing a friend like Fawas is a painful reminder of our mortality. I am sad that I won't have to play with him anymore or tease him by calling him "fly boy" and can't help but feel the weight of his absence. May he rest in peace, and may we all find solace in the memories we shared with him.